Or is it hard for people to believe in you when you don’t believe in yourself?
Someone recently asked me if I don’t have any confidence in myself. I told them that I’d never really thought about it but that was a blatant lie. Confidence — or the lack of, is something that’s plagued me my whole life. I know people think I’m rude or arrogant because I struggle to make eye contact with people I don’t know, but I just can’t help it. I have a number of very good friends who I am completely at ease with but other than that I have to admit, I struggle.
I worked for ten years at a repro-house in London and I loved my job and all my colleagues. I had a manager and a director who were wonderful, they never said a cross word to me in the whole time I worked for them. But, I could barely bring myself to speak to either of them. I think they realised, not that I didn’t like them but I just lacked the confidence in myself to strike up a conversation. In the end, we had a kind of understanding and just kept things simple. I will always regret that.
I know I’m not alone in my condition and I’m not looking for reassurance, I guess I’m just venting. I think these are the reasons why I love the cyber world so much. I get to be myself and not feel judged.
Put it this way, if I could live on a desert island with only my friends and family — I would. So, do I lack confidence — Yes I do!