It’s hard to believe in yourself when no one believes in you …

Or is it hard for people to believe in you when you don’t believe in yourself?

Someone recently asked me if I don’t have any confidence in myself. I told them that I’d never really thought about it but that was a blatant lie. Confidence — or the lack of, is something that’s plagued me my whole life. I know people think I’m rude or arrogant because I struggle to make eye contact with people I don’t know, but I just can’t help it. I have a number of very good friends who I am completely at ease with but other than that I have to admit, I struggle.

I worked for ten years at a repro-house in London and I loved my job and all my colleagues. I had a manager and a director who were wonderful, they never said a cross word to me in the whole time I worked for them. But, I could barely bring myself to speak to either of them. I think they realised, not that I didn’t like them but I just lacked the confidence in myself to strike up a conversation. In the end, we had a kind of understanding and just kept things simple. I will always regret that.

I know I’m not alone in my condition and I’m not looking for reassurance, I guess I’m just venting. I think these are the reasons why I love the cyber world so much. I get to be myself and not feel judged.

Put it this way, if I could live on a desert island with only my friends and family — I would. So, do I lack confidence — Yes I do!

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4 thoughts on “It’s hard to believe in yourself when no one believes in you …

  1. I understand really I do , my husband is so very like you and would happily live for the rest of our lives I think with just me. It effects me differently, I just always distrust when people are kind and complimentary – Yes, the internet is a wonderful place to be yourself – ourselves 🙂

  2. hettyfrancis says:

    oh jen jen,…well I’m coming to that island with you then!! Who wants to be an extrovert anyhow??!!

  3. Mike Barratt says:

    David Deida talks about learning to recongize your fears and lean into it. It sounds like yours is being or feeling judged. We all have them.

    Because of my upbringing, I was afraid of not being loved or rejected by those who I care about. Because of that, I closed anyone off from being able to do that as a self defense mechanism. In the process, I ensured that no one would ever love the true me.

    Through copious amounts of self reflection, i learned that about myself and started leaning into my fear. It hasn’t always been easy but it has been worth it.

    I also used to really care what others thought about me. As I learned about success and how few people strive to improve themselves, how few people live a life they design, how many people make excuses, settle, don’t take action, are prevented from truly living because of fear, I stopped caring what they think about me.

    I do appreciate feedback from people I know, trust and have confidence in. I’ve learned to assert myself, voice my opinions and put myself in positions to be judged. The fact that I believe in myself and what I’m doing has lead me to not care what average people think of me.

    Good luck with your journey. I really like how open and honest you are about yourself. Like anything, knowing your limitations and fears coupled with knowing who you want to become will allow you to figure out the right course.

  4. J Lawrence says:

    Thank you so much for your thoughts on this. I really appreciate it.

    Jx

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